(Note, this isn't in my usual light tone, feel free to skip if you're looking for self-deprecating humor)
I know the Hippo and I have been MIA this summer but it has been BUSY. That and I haven't been able to nail down something brewing internally.
The Hippo has transformed over the past year. She's sleek, fit and generally happy with life and her job. I've even had people I respect saying "I need a horse like her". Being who I am, it feels like they must be screwing with me or just being nice. At this point, she's pretty much a keeper.
Me, on the other hand? I'm struggling. I feel like I'm running out of time to progress in my riding. Sounds silly right? We all have the rest of our lives to improve our riding, if we really want to do so. I'm only in my early 40 but there's something most of my riding friends don't realize.
My mother died of cancer at 49, I just turned 43.
So, this weekend I attended an eventing clinic which brilliantly clarified what we're doing right and what I want. To our credit, the Hippo and I have created a really solid partnership. We trust each other and we haven't come close to hitting our limit. Its lovely.
But what do I WANT? I want to be GOOD. Not good for an amateur. Not good for a rider in her 40s. Not good for a 3' rider. I want to be good, without qualifiers.
I want it but today I'm exhausted
I want it but the road looks so long and daunting
I want it but there's so many changes I need to make and my body lets me down.
I want it.
And just in case I'm on the short timeline, I have 5 years.