Tuesday, 11 August 2015

Festivus in August

which brings me to...
5 days and counting before the Hippo's eventing debut and the packing prep has started in earnest.  I just unearthed my old pair of white full-seat riding breeches. Oh boy, those suckers have seen better days. Son of a bitch, this means I need to buy a pair of light beige or white breeches without which one may not compete in the dressage or eventing stadium rings.  

Because, nothing says 'athlete' like the sight of white or similar shade spandex stretched for dear life across a middle aged ass. 
Just not in these pants...

Its a look that is barely passable on a runway model! Seriously, who's dumbass idea was this and WHY haven't we had this rule changed?  Riding is a sport that is primarily outdoors, in all weather, with mud and a propensity to end up in it. Seriously?

Tradition, tradition, screw tradition. If we were so traditional, we women would be competing sidesaddle. I don't see anyone clamoring to make THAT mandatory. So it's not about the tradition. 

"But, its just so elegant."  Yup. nothing more elegant than mudspattered white breeches as your horse galumphs through a puddle.  Never mind the washing and re-washing hoping the stains come out, if they come out.  Even better?  The sudden display of one's underwear to the judge when your breeches fo from white to transparent in a cloudburst. (Hey look!  That one's wearing a thong! With butterflies and little hearts!)

Of course, how better to showcase the green streak(s) of slime your horse managed to deposit on your leg as you leap on?  Karma's payback for every grass stain your mother ever had to despairingly scrub out of the knees of your clothes as a kid?

My solution? Conservative color breeches, short or long sleeve shirt with collar (solid colored if you want to be fussy), tall boots or short boots with half chaps of matching color in black or brown.  Clothing, 3 phases, done.

How hard is that?

But you know I'm right

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